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Everyone knows I'm an amateur internet wine expert, but did you know I'm also an amateur internet fitness expert?
Step 1. Take off the fitness tracker. You won’t need it.
Learn the #1 workout for burning off those Cantober Fest calories in in my latest piece at Little Old Lady Comedy. LOL-ReadMe
Take a trip to the tiny vineyards of Northwest Portugal as comedian Lani Harmsjoins me to learn about the history of Vinho Verde, the Kombucha of the wine world. (Now it sounds trendy, right?)

The Wine:

  • Pessoa Terroir
  • Vinho Verde
  • White Wine, 2017
  • Portugal
⭐️🍷⭐️🌟⭐️🍷⭐️ Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts!
It all begins with the sweet, familiar flavor of pumpkin, but this time there’s a twist: The cinnamon has been freshly roasted by a massive wildfire in the Pacific Northwest and the signature Malaysian nutmeg has been deported and replaced with all-American mayonnaise.
Find out all the flavors that await in "Introducing the 2020 Pumpkin Spice Latte" at Little Old Lady Comedy. LOL-ReadMe
Everyone in D.C. is talking about this week's bombshell op-ed:
The true challenge facing Monica–– a challenge which dear Monica does not seem to fully comprehend–– is that many of the Pack Parents on this email chain have been working diligently from within to frustrate parts of her agenda, especially that terrible block party idea. I should know. I am one of those parents.
More shocking revelations await: Read I Am Part of the Resistance Inside Cub Scout Pack 403 at Little Old Lady Comedy
Are you excited for fall TV? Check out my exclusive preview of the hottest new shows (as seen on the sides of buses), like this one:
A Million Little Things (ABC) The guy from Office Space battles chronic constipation while surrounded by either people he went to college with and their spouses OR his mixed-race adopted brothers and sisters–– all of whom are still reeling from the untimely crock-pot-related death of their father.
Or there's my personal favorite:
God Friended Me (CBS) It’s a CBS procedural about catfishing crimes investigated by a devoutly religious naval forensic investigator and his wise-cracking, skeptical partner, Lucy Lui.
Read them all in my Fall TV Previews (Based On Their Bus Ads) at Little Old Lady Comedy!
LITTLE OLD LADY EXCLUSIVE: I got my hands on a top secret (and totally not fake) memo from Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella to all the employees at Bing:
Hey team! By now I’m sure you’ve seen the news about President Trump attacking Google for promoting “anti-Trump news” in its search results. Obviously we respect the work of our competitors in Mountain View, but this is also a marketing opportunity we can’t afford to pass up. With a solid 38% base we could finally bring Bing’s market share into the double digits!
Read Satya's new slogan ideas ("Bing: What Are You, A Cuck?") in The MAGA-Approved Search Engine! at Little Old Lady Comedy!
Does the separation of children from their parents get you down? Well cheer up, because we’re redistributing these adorable children to any American looking for a new accessory to show off at brunch!
Read more about the GOP's exciting new platform in my latest piece at Little Old Lady Comedy!

This week on the podcast Gabe Templin joined me on my quest to find the perfect summer red. Is Line 39 Pinot Noir the holy grail we’ve been looking for? Yes and no (but mostly yes based on how much of it we drank).

Read my tasting notes below and subscribe to Chris Tries to Review Wine on Apple Podcasts to hear Gabe’s review and more (or stream the episode at christriestoreview.wine).

Wine Info:

  • Winery: Line 39
  • Style/Varietal: Pinot Noir Red Wine
  • Vintage: 2016
  • Region: Central California, USA

Label Notes:

Our Pinot Noir reveals rich flavors of raspberries, cherries and herbs on the palate complemented by soft, supple tannins. Fruity and smooth, this Pinot Noir pairs well with lamb, pork, and pasta dishes.

Chris’s Notes:

Nose: Cherries, but specifically the kind of booze-soaked cherries you’d find at the bottom of a $16 artisanal cocktail. Also some notes of cola. Basically this smells like a really expensive Cherry Coke.

Tasting Notes:

  • Super smooth with a bit of a tingly mouthfeel, like when your dentist gets a little sloppy with the novocaine.
  • Definite notes of raspberry, though it’s a stretch to call them “rich” flavors. It’s more like a “La Croix” level of fruitiness.
  • It smells like cherries but tastes like raspberries. Sorcery, I say!
  • I’m not sure which “herbs” I’m supposed to taste but maybe that’s part of this overall warm, flat cola vibe.
  • None of the flavors are all that pronounced, which keeps things easy-going if somewhat unexciting. (Think of Line 39 like that super reliable friend who really never has anything interesting going on in their life but will always show up on time.)

Overall: From the limbo of middle California comes this completely inoffensive and thoroughly drinkable Pinot Noir perfect for serving in the hot summer months. Is this going to quench your thirst like a nice sparking rosé? Of course not, but it’s refreshing in its own right and unlike some reds it won’t make you feel like you’re brewing some hot mulled wine in your stomach when you drink it on a humid August night.

Rating: 3 out of 509 Gabe Insta - 1.jpg